A Glimpse of Self Love

Are you scared to love me?
Does it show that I am scared to love you?
Maybe it is because I don't know how to love me either?

I have been trying to figure out how to love myself
for many years now
I still am not sure what that looks like to say, I love me, I love you too

When I don't love me the most
I get scared that you won't love me either
When I love me the most
I know you will be with me forever

I use to think of loving myself as selfish
Then I use to think it was all in my ego to do that
Then I realized when I was happy inside, selfish and ego weren't an issue
That I just wanted to spend time with you because I love you
Again when I was happy

And then I wake up and I am not so sure how I feel
And I take it out on you
Accusing you of things that were OK the day before
I found out when I am not happy, you will not be happy with me either
As I try to take it out on you so I don't have to face me

How do I love me?
So that I can love you
I was sitting on the floor one morning
On my way to an important meeting
And across from me was a mirror

I took a quick glance only to see myself sitting on the floor tying my shoe
When I looked up, I didn't see me, I saw a person, sitting on the floor, tying their shoe
It was a weird moment, however I realized I WAS a person
I stared at myself from a distance
I realized I looked like the people I see, not the person I know

I started talking to myself
I told myself,
You have a big meeting today,
I wish you well

When I said that I started to cry
It felt so good to care about me
Like the words of a dear friend
I continued talking

As I cried, I said, I am going to take care of you my friend
I am your friend
I see you wake up everyday, rush to get ready,
Yet I realized I never really see you at all

I am sorry I never looked
I judge you so harshly
And you are just making a way for yourself,
What ever that is

I promise to do right by you
From this moment forward
I will understand when you don't think you have done well that you have done your best
And I also promise not to hurt you more with the words in my head that take away from me
I will remind myself that you did your best and maybe it was not meant to be for you

I also promise that when things are going great to let you enjoy those moments for what they are
A part of life that keeps you motivated to do the rest of it
And I will remind myself that every purpose has a challenge and every challenge has a purpose
And that we are a team, My Heart, My Soul and My Mind

I will do right by you,
I will not let myself forget that you care and that I care
As my Heart and Soul spoke to my Mind
I realized still that I am one, yet at times there feels like there are two of me
One that loves and one that is harder on me than anyone I know

I sat on that floor and saw myself new that day
I got up and left feeling like I have a partner within myself
That I can be whole and awake to my actions
That I can do right by myself

And with that, that I understand what it means to do right by others too
They ARE me and I AM them
Just as I have the voice in my head that either cheers me on or stops me in my tracks
Joining myself with myself,
Gives me the path to join myself with you
I can love you more when I know what it feels like to love me more

Love can only propel once it knows that it is there

Listen to a Podcast of this posting here:




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Silence is a Language

Once you have said your point, stop talking
When you are in an argument, and you say why, stop talking
Let the language of silence speak

When you want to tell someone how mad you are at them,
Stop yourself and walk away
Come back when you figure it out
Minus the hurtful words that are never forgotten
And the actual argument that is

It isn't time anymore to see how much you can hurt another person
It is time to realize that when that happens everyone gets hurt, not just the receiver
That everyone pays, a price that is unspoken
Since silence is the loudest language

Stop yourself and walk away
Don't participate in anger
Strength comes from finding the love
Understanding that you don't want to fail
And neither does the other person

Know that when you are angry it is when you are the most vulnerable
And there is something that you did not get or understand
Think in truth, if you are the other person and what is it that they actually want from you
What would you want if your were to do that to someone
And why

Go back with that information
The better the information
The greater the thought
The higher the level of caring comes into play
The better the exchange
The more solvable the soulution

We look for everything that can clean, wipe away, and take care of everything we don't want in life
And I know we don't want to live in anger
The cleaner for Anger is how we learn to love and accept ourselves when we are not feeling our best
Compassion is the buffer
And understanding is the shine

Know when to stop
And knowing when to stop
Can only teach you where to start

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Anger Smanger

What is it about anger?

When we are mad already, bubble gum on our shoe can set us off
When we are happy, us having no money is not as big a deal.

What is it about anger that clouds everything else?
Anger is deep seated and closed minded
Anger does not want a solution or justice
Anger wants to win, yet it doesn't know exactly what it will win

Anger wants to blame,
Complain
Say that nothing works out
Anger tells us that everyone is not good
That no one cares
That it is someone else's fault

Yet we don't go back to the stem of our anger
It is at ourselves for not taking care of us

It is the pressure that feel with the stuff we can't control and we get mad at us for doing nothing about it
Or being unable to.
And then we wait until we are with someone we love and we let it rip on them, and all they were or are is a moving target
We just think because we love them and them us, that we can do that to them, which eventually becomes to us.
Anger is the thief that lives in a home and steals without a weapon
Anger is the story behind many stories of discontent
Yet it is never found to be the culprit, we choose someone and they are the reason
Anger is the lost part of us that we don't even know is there.
It is the thing we deny, won't speak on, release or at times even know has built up

So we have to ask ourselves
About that fuse that can be so short that it surprises even us
What am I really mad at?
Would I have been mad at this otherwise?
What is my intention?
Do I really want to solve this?
Is my speaking the truth to myself, to others enough?
Do I still feel mad or angry?
What else can I do to take care of me?
What else can I say or think to reach until I find the answer?
There is an answer we already know
And like any answer we have to look for it,
We have to research
We have to be honest and
We have to admit our role,
Our truth in it all
Clairty brings objectivity
And objectivity is the beginning of seeing your truth
No excuses or reasons to cloud it all up
Just truth to heal it from the beginning