Shopping for Love

What do you get when you give?
What do you give to get?
When you give it is a feeling of exhilaration that is addicting and self growing
It is like that plant that doesn't even need water to grow

I was walking into a store the other day
And a lady was on the ground dragging herself to a bag
She had fallen and she was too heavy to get up
At first she seemed like she had a method so I was just going to go into the store
Then I saw her dragging herself and I was wondering if that is just how she got out of her car and did her business

But then I was just curious so I went to her and asked her if she needed help.
she told me that her daughter was going to come out of the store in a minute, that she is in line
That she walked out of the store and was holding onto a pole to hold herself up
And that she let go of the pole and she fell

So I asked her if I can get her daughter or help her up
She told me we would have to find a big man to do that
Then her daughter came out and when she saw her mother on the floor she ran to her and asked her what happened.
She didn't seem to expect her there

The daughter and I both managed to get her to her feet again
And they were both so grateful
So I was about to leave and they asked me my name
Before I could tell them
The relief on their faces was the very relief I felt to have helped them

It was the smallest of things, yet it was bigger than me at the same time
I got tears in my eyes and I couldn't tell them my name
I was just silent and they were staring at me

It took me a minute and then I could speak my name
I walked away as though someone cleansed me
Like making this very small difference to people I would most likely never see again

It made everything I thought about my own life as new as it felt to fall into this family's circle unexpectedly
It reminded me how much we care about each other without thinking of it
And it is when we think too much that we start playing the taking away game from ourselves

So I went to the store and didn't find what I went there for
A little later that day I was thinking about not finding what I went there for
When it occurred to me that I found exactly what I went there for

That when we go to a store we are buying love of some kind to ourselves
And that lady on the sidewalk was the love that day
I left more fulfilled than anything I could have purchased
More cleansed and appreciative of people

We forget sometimes how much emotion there is when we touch each other in this way
How good it feels to share a strength we may have more than another
And accept their strength when ours is not with us
We build a wall that makes us think we are not in need

We are all needy and it has nothing to do with food or money
It has to do with our emotions catching up to the other advances in our lives
As we can balance, life looks differently and "needs" much less to fulfill it

If we step back from the wall
Only then can we see it
And walk around it

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A Glimpse of Self Love

Are you scared to love me?
Does it show that I am scared to love you?
Maybe it is because I don't know how to love me either?

I have been trying to figure out how to love myself
for many years now
I still am not sure what that looks like to say, I love me, I love you too

When I don't love me the most
I get scared that you won't love me either
When I love me the most
I know you will be with me forever

I use to think of loving myself as selfish
Then I use to think it was all in my ego to do that
Then I realized when I was happy inside, selfish and ego weren't an issue
That I just wanted to spend time with you because I love you
Again when I was happy

And then I wake up and I am not so sure how I feel
And I take it out on you
Accusing you of things that were OK the day before
I found out when I am not happy, you will not be happy with me either
As I try to take it out on you so I don't have to face me

How do I love me?
So that I can love you
I was sitting on the floor one morning
On my way to an important meeting
And across from me was a mirror

I took a quick glance only to see myself sitting on the floor tying my shoe
When I looked up, I didn't see me, I saw a person, sitting on the floor, tying their shoe
It was a weird moment, however I realized I WAS a person
I stared at myself from a distance
I realized I looked like the people I see, not the person I know

I started talking to myself
I told myself,
You have a big meeting today,
I wish you well

When I said that I started to cry
It felt so good to care about me
Like the words of a dear friend
I continued talking

As I cried, I said, I am going to take care of you my friend
I am your friend
I see you wake up everyday, rush to get ready,
Yet I realized I never really see you at all

I am sorry I never looked
I judge you so harshly
And you are just making a way for yourself,
What ever that is

I promise to do right by you
From this moment forward
I will understand when you don't think you have done well that you have done your best
And I also promise not to hurt you more with the words in my head that take away from me
I will remind myself that you did your best and maybe it was not meant to be for you

I also promise that when things are going great to let you enjoy those moments for what they are
A part of life that keeps you motivated to do the rest of it
And I will remind myself that every purpose has a challenge and every challenge has a purpose
And that we are a team, My Heart, My Soul and My Mind

I will do right by you,
I will not let myself forget that you care and that I care
As my Heart and Soul spoke to my Mind
I realized still that I am one, yet at times there feels like there are two of me
One that loves and one that is harder on me than anyone I know

I sat on that floor and saw myself new that day
I got up and left feeling like I have a partner within myself
That I can be whole and awake to my actions
That I can do right by myself

And with that, that I understand what it means to do right by others too
They ARE me and I AM them
Just as I have the voice in my head that either cheers me on or stops me in my tracks
Joining myself with myself,
Gives me the path to join myself with you
I can love you more when I know what it feels like to love me more

Love can only propel once it knows that it is there

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Love's Soulvation

You can't know nice until you are nice
You can't know beautiful until you feel beautiful
You aren't happy for others until you feel happy yourself

You don't see the effort of others until you put forth an effort yourself
You won't acknowledge anothers success until you have felt a sense of success yourself
It's hard to have appreciation for anything if you never had to live without it

We can not know how it is to starve when we can't decide what to eat
We can not see a heart until we can feel our own
We can not extend a hand, until a hand has been extended to us

When we know something, then we can share it
We need examples from each other to see how effective it is to share who we are, what we feel
If one of us does something, someone else immediately learns, feels, understands its worth

We are one, we hear this and hear it
WE are one when it comes to respect
To dignity
To feel like someone notices
That someone really cares

It grows our belief that everything has good in it
That when we are angry and someone puts their hand on our back and says it will be OK
That is better than virtual slaps on the face with words and gestures that do nothing but give us reasons to let go

Take your initial reaction to a situation
And do the opposite
Instead of saying You did this or that, said this or that
Say, thank you for showing me what it feels like to take on your anger,
You must really be mad, although it is not obvious why
You are unkind to me, because you already feel it about somewhere else
I know you don't mean what you just said
I am sorry you are having a bad day

It sounds like a lot to say, however it is not
Think it, and it will come to the surface in your actions
All you have to say in truth is, I know you don't mean that
Sometimes that is all you need to say

And leave it to the other person to find in themselves their own motivations
and they can learn that, and have a moment to think about whatever it is in their heart
That is being a teacher
That is showing love when we don't know if we can
This is one way to do it
This is one way to care

WE think we need to wait for a good day to do better
No more wasting time
Time is not relevant when it comes to love

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Silence is a Language

Once you have said your point, stop talking
When you are in an argument, and you say why, stop talking
Let the language of silence speak

When you want to tell someone how mad you are at them,
Stop yourself and walk away
Come back when you figure it out
Minus the hurtful words that are never forgotten
And the actual argument that is

It isn't time anymore to see how much you can hurt another person
It is time to realize that when that happens everyone gets hurt, not just the receiver
That everyone pays, a price that is unspoken
Since silence is the loudest language

Stop yourself and walk away
Don't participate in anger
Strength comes from finding the love
Understanding that you don't want to fail
And neither does the other person

Know that when you are angry it is when you are the most vulnerable
And there is something that you did not get or understand
Think in truth, if you are the other person and what is it that they actually want from you
What would you want if your were to do that to someone
And why

Go back with that information
The better the information
The greater the thought
The higher the level of caring comes into play
The better the exchange
The more solvable the soulution

We look for everything that can clean, wipe away, and take care of everything we don't want in life
And I know we don't want to live in anger
The cleaner for Anger is how we learn to love and accept ourselves when we are not feeling our best
Compassion is the buffer
And understanding is the shine

Know when to stop
And knowing when to stop
Can only teach you where to start

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The Fear of Love is the Love of Fear

When we say we fear something
What is it that we mean?
Do you use it as an excuse to not try or push yourself beyond it?
Do we let it gain greater strength than us and then blame it for being stronger?

How is it when fear wins?
When fear wins
It is telling us it beat us at our own mission
You see, we all come here to do something
Other than live, we come to grow our souls
And in that we are not on one path at a time, nor are any of us on a path that is a straight line

There are turns and corners and questions and doubts
There are confidence issues, self esteem questions, love of self, not known how to do
And to balance things, there is love, and joy and hope
Caring and trying and things looking like they did not work out as they are working out

Fear is what tells us things won't work out
Can't work out for us, but they can for other people
Fear is the culprit again

The worst fear of fear is letting fear win, that we let fear win
That is simply not Fair

We give so much power to what can happen to take away
That we don't get to what would happen if we didn't have such a fear
That we don't have to keep it around for habits sake
That we don't have to give it space so that we are left frustrated

Love is the opposite of fear
When you love life, you fear nothing
When you feel in love, you say anything
You dress freer
You are free to speak as you are when you are heightened

And then fear of losing comes in and there you are
you dry up
you fear speaking
you worry about the person you love not loving you any more
Fear, doubt and worry stagnate the soul
Love frees it

We know both sides of this coin so well
Is it a 50/50 chance for you?
Is your love strengthened within enough to stop fear when it tries to test you?

It is only a test, a push, a shove of your soul to Hone itself, to fear
When you recognize this, fear has one less leg to stand on
Which can only mean you stand stronger now
One thought at a time
One step away from taking away from yourself

In the end, as we learn that we are a person too
That we count to us
Enough for us to not let our days go by with doubt of who we are
And taking the chances that gives our soul exhilaration's and hope
Fear starts to look smaller and smaller

We always say "have no fear", and we all love the saying
Fear is not a fight it is a foe
We take on foes everyday
And Fear is not bigger than any other foe
Fear is actually weakest when we are our best

Next time you hear your mind speak to you and says "you can't do this, you don't deserve that, this is not for you, that is too great a thing to happen to you"
Talk back from your heart and say, "WHY NOT ME!"
Fight it head on
Tell it, it is not your friend
Speak loudly to it's mayham
And softly with your love

Love is the greatest strength of all
And pure in it's energy of your movements and thoughts
Turn it around and it will turn around
Stop it and it will stop talking
Tell it to be quiet and the cowardliness in it will obey

Fear has only the strength that we give it
And as we all know fear has never amounted to anything
And it is just by habit in many cases that it is even within you

We have so much love, untapped
Tap in and smile at the chance
Tap in and live in the difference
Tap in and let love show you what it can do without fear
Love really can do this, and it is one of the first things in understanding your own self love
Love gives and does not need to receive
It just finds a way to keep on growing and growing and growing
Live in the truth that fear is the illusion that it is
Love is the true leader
Let it lead

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Heartmaker Icebreaker

Sometimes we don't speak to each other because we really don't know what to say
We think we have to say something important or clever
Stunning or worth hearing

Yet a simple, What's Up, would do
And then the person can tell you
And then you can tell them

We don't have to be so into what we would say
It is the interest in others that is most loving to speak about
It is the wanting to share that we are really looking for

Sometimes we are so inside our own heads
We forget others even have a head
Sometimes we are so worried of hurting our hearts
That we can't remember what it was like to just relax and speak

Everyone is to themselves what we are to us
Everyone really does want to feel another
Yet we assume they don't

We assume a lot of things when it comes to feelings and emotions
And it is usually the way that we look at things that we assume
yet we all didn't come here with the same blueprint

We all came here to teach each other
Use the knowledge's of each other
Share it
And give us reasons and purpose to interact

We have found so many ways to do everything ourselves
In fear to need another
That we don't really know how to break the ice
Once we realize we don't want to be alone

A simple, Hey, Hi, Hello, or smile
It is the interest and the attention you give
No words really needed

The only thing needed is not waiting for someone else to do what we could do
Because you have just read this and now you know
It doesn't take a class, a book or a mentor to tell you

Simple language is for use
It does get rusty when it is not exercised
And it knows just what to do once you start again

The wheels of a bicycle can only go forward
Hopping on again just takes getting on
So I say to you, Hey, how are you?
Have a great day

Tomorrow I may say more, once you tell me how you are today
And the next day, I can ask you how it all went
And the next I can say, want to get a bite to eat
And the next I will forget I never talked to you before

And the next day, I will have grown my circle of love
Of believing there is more good in the world than I thought the day before
All with a simple, Hey?

As you smile with greater ease
And your foundation of love strengthened
Pass along these moments as you accustom to who you are
Who you are when you are giving
When you feel life
And when you are able to live in the sharing of yourself

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I Want To Be Mad At You...Would You Do Something

You know when you are mad about something, and you can't get yourself to talk about it?
And then you are asked if something is wrong, and you want it to go away so you say nothing?
And then it doesn't go away, and it affects your mood, from being asked what do you want to eat to where do you want to go?
It becomes the big white elephant in the room and then there is no longer any room to walk around it?

You start to realize it is something you must face, and you don't know how to say it?
That you feel vulnerable and you don't want to fight with the other person or get them mad or feel like a fool?
And you feel like you handling it alone would be best

As time still goes on, you are not any happier, you didn't handle it, and you are now waiting for the other person to do something, so that you could simply blow up at them?

And pretend that that is why you are mad in the first place?

And then you feel even worse inside because that is not what you were mad at in the first place

And the other person feels horrible, since it probably didn't make sense, your anger matching his or her action

With all the negative feelings you were feeling beforehand, waiting for a reason to explode, did it really make anything better?
Did you really handle it by yourself?
Or did you single handily turn your initial hurt and anger into a war for not being understood, when it was you who assumed you could deal with it and you couldn't?

If you followed this so far, what would happen if you simply said, from the beginning:
You know I feel bad when I am upset, but I am. I want to share it with you because I don't want to feel bad about other things and then take this out on you. It is not fair to you, or to me.

Everytime this one thing happens, I feel like it is taking away from us and that you don't see that, and it makes me feel vulnerable.
I care about you so much that when I feel this way, I use to hold it in, but I am taking the chance and telling you so that I don't hurt us.

You will find that the other person listens and they listen with love and understanding
What is not understood, is trying to live as though no one can see you when they can
And having to fight about things that teach you the reason why fighting does not make sense

There is not a human on Earth who wants to feel bad, not loved or cheated by their friends, family, CO workers or boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives.
I never met a child who remembered why they were angered at, but I met many who remember the humiliation of being screamed at or hit

Take the time to ask yourself, what would you respond to, and do it that way
Take the time to think about the other person, rather than what you want out of them
Ask yourself if you are setting them up to do something wrong, and then scream at them for it

The patience that you need, others need too
You are not the only one and neither are they
We are all one, look at it that way
One person, One need, One home, One family
We are most whole when we feel closest to One
We are most whole when we are not feeling desperate and alone, fragmented and scared

Speaking in the moment, of the moment, is the peace of our souls
It may not feel like it on the way there, but you have to push yourself to it to find it, to feel it
Peace doesn't come without a claim to it's understanding
Love is not known until you can see the affects of the lacks of love
Truth only has meaning when we have seen, lived in, and got hurt when it is not around

Speak in the moment and you won't have to create a moment or plan anything
Truth has a way of surfacing above all else
Next time you feel yourself unspoken when you need to speak, try something new
Speak from your heart
Speak with love
Speak with the knowing of how you want to be spoken to
The relief is unspeakable
The love ever compounding and understood

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The Trail of A Happy Thought

You wake up from a great dream you can not even remember
Yet you are happy from it as though you did remember
You were smiling when you woke up and that is really all that mattered

You decide very quickly what to wear for work
Without even thinking, you didn't put much time or thought into it and you felt free and confident no matter what you put on

You run through the kitchen to get to the door and you realize that you forgot to put the coffee on, and think, I don't need coffee today, I am already awake

You are driving to work, and someone cuts you off before you get to the freeway, and you think, that is too bad they are having a bad day

You get to work, and you are walking to your desk, and you pass several coworkers by, and they are complaining about the previous days happenings, and you say Good Morning and you keep going

You are lighter on your feet, freer in your mind and just plain happy about something and you don't even know what

It really shows us that anything can make us happy as long as we feel it and it energizes us in ways we couldn't even notice

And it teaches us that you can make a day happy with heart and love if we just think it, and it barely matters what it is we choose

Our mind is waiting for us to use it and put its strongest use forward

Just as easily as pushing the "wrong" button there is a "right" button too

How funny that we fight to have a choice in so many places of our lives and this is a choice given to us and we forget it is even there

Start with something you love and remind yourself that love can happen everywhere else

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