A Glimpse of Self Love

Are you scared to love me?
Does it show that I am scared to love you?
Maybe it is because I don't know how to love me either?

I have been trying to figure out how to love myself
for many years now
I still am not sure what that looks like to say, I love me, I love you too

When I don't love me the most
I get scared that you won't love me either
When I love me the most
I know you will be with me forever

I use to think of loving myself as selfish
Then I use to think it was all in my ego to do that
Then I realized when I was happy inside, selfish and ego weren't an issue
That I just wanted to spend time with you because I love you
Again when I was happy

And then I wake up and I am not so sure how I feel
And I take it out on you
Accusing you of things that were OK the day before
I found out when I am not happy, you will not be happy with me either
As I try to take it out on you so I don't have to face me

How do I love me?
So that I can love you
I was sitting on the floor one morning
On my way to an important meeting
And across from me was a mirror

I took a quick glance only to see myself sitting on the floor tying my shoe
When I looked up, I didn't see me, I saw a person, sitting on the floor, tying their shoe
It was a weird moment, however I realized I WAS a person
I stared at myself from a distance
I realized I looked like the people I see, not the person I know

I started talking to myself
I told myself,
You have a big meeting today,
I wish you well

When I said that I started to cry
It felt so good to care about me
Like the words of a dear friend
I continued talking

As I cried, I said, I am going to take care of you my friend
I am your friend
I see you wake up everyday, rush to get ready,
Yet I realized I never really see you at all

I am sorry I never looked
I judge you so harshly
And you are just making a way for yourself,
What ever that is

I promise to do right by you
From this moment forward
I will understand when you don't think you have done well that you have done your best
And I also promise not to hurt you more with the words in my head that take away from me
I will remind myself that you did your best and maybe it was not meant to be for you

I also promise that when things are going great to let you enjoy those moments for what they are
A part of life that keeps you motivated to do the rest of it
And I will remind myself that every purpose has a challenge and every challenge has a purpose
And that we are a team, My Heart, My Soul and My Mind

I will do right by you,
I will not let myself forget that you care and that I care
As my Heart and Soul spoke to my Mind
I realized still that I am one, yet at times there feels like there are two of me
One that loves and one that is harder on me than anyone I know

I sat on that floor and saw myself new that day
I got up and left feeling like I have a partner within myself
That I can be whole and awake to my actions
That I can do right by myself

And with that, that I understand what it means to do right by others too
They ARE me and I AM them
Just as I have the voice in my head that either cheers me on or stops me in my tracks
Joining myself with myself,
Gives me the path to join myself with you
I can love you more when I know what it feels like to love me more

Love can only propel once it knows that it is there

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